My Salvation is Personal (I think?)

28 Oct

Grown up decisions suck. How do I know? Well I had to make a big one this week and now I’m suffering the consequences. Well, after eight years as a member of my church, I decided it that the best thing for me to do was to search for a new church home. For a little over a year, I’ve been leaving church feeling empty, like I would’ve enjoyed myself somewhere else. Now it hasn’t been every Sunday, but I would say about 80-85% of Sundays that I’ve gone to my church over the past year have felt that way. Its like I’ve felt like I didn’t belong, you know, out of place. I look around every Sunday, and it seems as if my wife and I are the youngest people in the place. Our oldest two kids go to church with my mom because our church doesn’t have anything for kids to do during service, and when my kids get bored, they are the most annoying kids on the planet. But anyway, I feel like I am not getting the things I need/should be getting every Sunday. Now this did not sit well with the wife. Not one bit. See shes been going to our church about 15 years and it is the only church shes ever known. We got married there, our kids got dedicated there, so I was not surprised one bit when she told me that I wasn’t involved enough and that’s why I’ve been feeling a disconnect from God. The thing is, I have no desire to get involved at that church. It seems like the only thing there is to do is be an usher, and that’s not what I want, nor do I feel called to do. It got to a point where to me it seemed as if she was trying to do anything to make me change my mind, but its been made up for a long time. She actually accused me today of not taking our kids to the harvest festival at church because I dont wanna go there anymore. It was totally not the case. I didn’t want to take them because 1) I didn’t want them to be the only kids there, 2) I’m taking them to the harvest festival at their church in the morning (and miss the Michigan game) and 3) I wanted to chill today and if I was gonna drive somewhere, it would be to Walmart around the corner. I feel like she is blinded by the fact that she is involved in choir, and has an attachment. We’ve visited different churches and the first thing that comes out of her mouth when I ask her “how’d you like it?” is something about the choir. Well, last time I checked, choir aint gonna get you to heaven, and that’s the exact thing I told her. She said that she still gets spiritually fed at our church, and who am I to tell her that shes lying? Its no way for me to tell if she is or if she isn’t. If she is, well I’m glad for her. If not, that’s on her. I just know that its not the place for me anymore. It sucks too. If not for my wife and that church, I dont know if I would’ve found my way back to God. I love that church, I just feel like I’ve outgrown it. I’ve been praying daily for God to send me to the right place. I’ve been praying for my wife as well because this has created some tension between us. Though I’m hesitant to give satan credit for everything that goes wrong in my life because I feel people give him way too much credit for their problems, I do think he may be trying to drive a wedge between us. So with God leading the way, I am following him home. Please pray for me on my journey. Peace and love!

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7 Responses to “My Salvation is Personal (I think?)”

  1. Shanae Lachelle (@BeYouTeeFulME) October 29, 2011 at 12:31 AM #

    It is going to be a huge adjustment for her. I couldn’t imagine becoming a member at other churches. I’ve been at my church since BIRTH. It may be that you guys need to go to different churches. There’s nothing wrong with that! My great grandfather and great grandmother attended different churches their entire life without any animosity toward one another about it. You just need to find which one is good for you. The problem that’s gonna be next is the car situations. You will definitely need two cars for this problem to be solved. She will continue to attend the church but you can’t stay where you don’t feel you are getting anything.
    And by the way, the thing about the choir, no they don’t send you to heaven or hell but the concept of singing for me is a huge part of what I take in from church. I hear the pastor but he’s not the first to get up. The choir is like the appetizer in a meal! If it makes you sick, you won’t want to eat your dinner. The choir is the invitation to worship. It sets the tone for the Pastor’s word. I know that because that’s how I take it.
    But you two may not see eye to eye on this situation. She may have to see how happy and holy ghost filled you are once you find your new church home. Then, she may realize things the way you do. I do agree that you should always be involved in the church so once you find a church, be sure to join an auxiliary.
    By the way, you could always check out my church. 3320 Melwood Dr Melvindale, MI
    Everybody that I bring to the church wants to come back and he is an anointed powerful man of GOD. So, I’d say check it out! 9am&12:30 pm services.

  2. rmac3982 October 29, 2011 at 12:42 AM #

    So, being mentioned in this, I feel I have the right to say how I feel just as you did.
    1. the comment about when you ask about churches is really wrong. I talk about the church itself, yet because I am musically inclined, that is where my mind goes. And I love music all the way around as long as they are praising God.
    2. For anyone who reads this…i know that the vote is not going to get me into heaven…but me using my guy to glorify Him is what he have me my voice for and being in the choir for me helps me. He blessed me with my voice to bless others.

  3. Faith October 29, 2011 at 1:15 AM #

    I totally understand. I jumped from church to church until my family found a church home that fit us all. It was stressful because I was raised in a Baptist church and he Catholic church. I dreaded leaving church and feeling unfulfilled or thinking about why a certain female wore a certain outfit. I thought being unfulfilled was associated with being unfocused until I found my “home”.

  4. Eva October 29, 2011 at 8:39 AM #

    This seems to be weighing heavily on you these days as it keeps coming up every week. That may be because Sunday comes every week! (trying to inject a lil humor) Here is how I see it. If you feel unfulfilled, seek someplace else to get what you need. It may come down to you being in one place and your wife in another. The two of you are joined as one but are still individual people, with individual needs that cannot always be accomplished and achieved together. Seperate yet equal none the less. They say a family that prays together, stays together. They did not say you had to pray at the same place. Just do not be hasty in your decisions and make sure your “expectations” are not being led by false ideals. I have been to many churches in my life and knew the moment I stepped in that this was not the place I choose to worship every week, yet I still got the message I was supposed to receive that day because I saught the message and was open to receive it. If you go into a situation already expecting it to be less fulfilling, it will be. Sow a seed of positive expectation and it will reap a positive harvest. Find the good in where you are until you seek and find and are led to where you want to be. Noone should say that this will be an easy decision, but certainly don’t let “worship” of all things be a bone of contention with you and your wife. That should tell you right there that Satan has a hand in stirring that boiling pot. Continue to pray for peace, guidance and discernment and you will get the answers you need. Be Blessed.

  5. red herring October 29, 2011 at 9:03 AM #

    As the man you are the priest of your household.If you are being called to go someplace else or to another part of the ministry , You have to seek Yahweh and be sure you are not leaving because the older saints always have a problem with something they think you should or should have not done.It depends on why you are feeling empty there is so many other reasons relative to that.If that church is really about the word and not choir I would consider staying and speaking to the pastor or district elder about your responsibilities in that church.”If you are faithful over few you will be made ruler or many”.Seek out Yahweh and ask him to reveal his plan to you.A choir nor any other auxiliary should not a be valid reason to stay or leave a church.Yahweh may be testing to see if you will be obedient.jeremiah 17:9 really comes to mind when I think of this situtaion.LOL

  6. stacy October 29, 2011 at 11:37 PM #

    Finding a church home that fits can b a challenge. Since the church isn’t a good fit for the everyone (especially the kids)..considering a new home is a must. U guys should make sure church is something the entire family can enjoy together. Good luck! Don’t feel alone, us Williams are having very similar issues.

  7. stacy October 29, 2011 at 11:59 PM #

    U guys should consider that this church isn’t satisfying the family as a whole. For one, u guys are divided from the kids every Sunday. This issue can become bigger as time progresses. Even though R is comfortable here, take everyone in consideration. It looks like u have 1 vote against 4 (considering the church doesn’t meet the nEeds of the kids). I suggest u start bringing the kids n before long they’ll ask u do leave anyway. Hahaha! Don’t feel alone, us Williams r facing similar iSsues.

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